ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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