Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
false alarm. still invincible.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
