you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
