I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
