Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
