What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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