You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
