dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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