He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
