For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
