If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
