I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
