you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize