A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
