I cockslap morals
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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