how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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