I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
