wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
