He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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