it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
