i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
