Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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