I think my fart just growled at me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
not ubering you a puppy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
