you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize