I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
