PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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