So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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