In America we eat man semen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
