Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
