I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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