his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
