I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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