he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
