Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
