I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You are a genius and a whore.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
