i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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