so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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