Will you blow on my dice?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
