Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't turn off my feet"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
