All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
