I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
