He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
