Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
