This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize