It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
