Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
