Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
