Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
