Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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