Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He felt like a one man threesome
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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