i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize