ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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