just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
