I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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