I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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