so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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