whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
