I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
