we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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