You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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