i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
