I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
