I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
