I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
