if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
