life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize