If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
