I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize