I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
