My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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