I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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