Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she told me i tasted like america
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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