Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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