oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
