wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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