Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
