So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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