Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Boobs speak an international language.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
