This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize