Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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