mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
