I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
