My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
