Your dad touched me again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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