and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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