dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
