hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize