Nicole vs. Life
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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