there was a trapeze. enough said
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
