I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
