college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize