I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
