i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize