I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
