ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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