they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
