My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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