At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
