I CAN MOONWALK!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
