he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
