where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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