I am puke
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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