I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
