Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
