Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
