I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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