I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
