Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
