note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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