The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My feet surprised me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
