Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
