apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
