you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
