dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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