my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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