Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
