Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
