we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
