He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
