You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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